This is the punchline for one of Seth Godin's recent posts:
While conventional views of power and authority seem to indicate that you should co-opt and capture other tribes, you can often achieve more by freeing your own people to maximize their vision alongside yours.
I couldn't agree more. Learning to let go of your vision to embrace others' and build something new altogether is one rough and challenging road.
Sometimes you feel you may lose your identity along the way. Other times you just feel like you're not being an effective leader in whatever matter you want to lead.
There's no room for extremisms here (and there are many exceptions), but if there's one thing recent experience has taught me, is that effective leaders are not control freaks.